The gift of pain

I can’t believe I have given this title or even uttered this sentence. I am not someone who enjoys pain. I don’t crave it, I don’t wish for it, and I do not recommend it. But I will say there is a way to take pain and squeeze out of it every lesson we can. Physical pain, whether it be from an injury to the body, or injury to the heart, can refine us if we allow it to.

I want to clarify that I do believe God heals people today, both physically and emotionally. Jesus still heals people of disease. He brings healing to the heart that has endured trauma. He delivers people from evil spirits that harass them. I’ve seen these things. I’ve experienced His healing both physically and emotionally at different times of my life. Yet not every hurt on this earth will be erased until we are reconciled with Christ in heaven. We live in a fallen broken world. A world that Satan is the god of. 2 Corinthians 4:4 “Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe.” Of course, there is going to be evil and hurt we must endure.

When I see someone who is sick and hurting, I pray for healing. When someone shares with me their heartache due to broken family relationships, I pray for healing and reconciliation. But I am aware that not every physical pain will be miraculously healed. Not every broken relationship will be restored overnight. I know this because pain has taught me this. Pain has led me to have a deeper compassion and empathy for others that I never would have been capable of it I hadn’t gone through the suffering I have gone through.

Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

I mourn with them; I cry with them. When things look better for them, I rejoice with them. And my joy is more overflowing when I hear of the good in their lives because I am so deeply invested in them. Pain has given me the ability to love others better because I can empathize with them

Between the Traumatic Brain Injury, the Chronic Lyme Disease, and the rare brain condition that was discovered this year, I have suffered and endured many years of pain, both physical and emotional. Sometimes my shooting nerve pain in my legs or arm gets so severe I crawl in bed and just ask the Lord to help me through it. I can’t distract myself. The pain is like a magnet. As my mind tries to think of other things, the pain’s magnetic pull continually pulls at my thoughts, so I am never unaware of the agony. I also have episodes of severe migraines. The type of migraines that make me go to a dark quiet room, hold my head, and make it nearly impossible for me to speak because the pain is so intense. Tears roll down my cheek, I tell myself it will pass, it will calm down. But every moment it is that severe, I ask the Lord for help. He does help me get through it.

He gives me the strength to keep enduring. The truth is, I feel in those moments that I have nothing left in me. That I have persevered 10 years and I am at the end of myself. The truth is that I don’t have any endurance left in me. I desperately throw myself at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to carry me through. And He does. I can’t explain surviving these episodes for a decade except for the grace of God. I know how hopeless, bitter, and mean I would become if it were not for His hand in my life.

In these episodes of pain, I have marveled at what God can do in my heart. I am unable to do anything in those hours except cry, pray, and try and endure it. But a few things I have learned I can do.

1. I can pray, and I do. I can even pray for others. I have no distractions of books, tv, phone, people, etc. I am in the dark and I have had some of my deepest intercession for others when I am in pain myself. In those moments I realize there is one thing I can still do to contribute to this world, and that is pray for my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I can hold them up while I am being pressed down.

2. Another thing I have seen God enable me to do, is listen to Him. The world around me is quiet. The pain is screaming, yes. But even nearer than the hysterical voice of pain is a gentle whisper of my Lord Jesus. Sometimes He is quiet, but I know He is mourning with me at my suffering. I know He isn’t leaving me alone through it. Other times He whispers to me through thoughts. He sometimes gives me revelations and understanding of areas I need to grow in, or how I can change, or how God is working in the spirit realm even when we can’t see it.  

3. Pain makes me more aware of our eternal home in heaven. When pain attacks me I do not have the invincible attitude that others my age are more likely to have. I am experiencing in that moment that my body is not forever, and it will eventually give out on me.

1 Corinthians 15:50

“I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.”

When tears roll down my cheeks and I think “This is not how it’s supposed to be” I realize it’s not. God did not create the Garden of Eden with pain or suffering. He didn’t intend for His creation to hurt. He even came and died for us, taking our payment from sin on the cross, so that we can have Him live in our hearts and even spend eternity with Him. When I realize that this life is a blink of an eye compared to eternity, it makes me want to do two things while I’m here on this earth. I want to love Jesus with all my mind, body and soul and I want to shine bright so others, too, can find Him.

The other gifts of pain I’ve experienced are these: Pain has ripped away at my pride, brought me to my knees, and helped me walk in more humility. Pain is a great revealer of a person. It shows us who we really are, what is at the core of us. It’s like a mirror that shows us both the nasty things and the good things at the heart of us. I am grateful for this mirror. As I said above pain has made me more compassionate. Pain has grown me in endurance. Pain has pushed me to my end. And being pushed to my end makes me cling to Christ even closer. That is the greatest gift of all. For I want to live my whole life clinging to Him.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.