Reaching Treeline

Life is often compared to “climbing a mountain” because that is a good analogy. I am from Colorado so I may be partial to this because I love my mountains 😊haha. As a teenager, before I had health issues, I used to climb our most famous mountain “Pikes Peak” with my dad each year. Anyone was welcome to come, so sometimes another sibling would join us. But since my dad and I were into hiking at the time, we would conquer this 14,000 ft each year. These memories are precious, not because climbing such a steep mountain is “easy,” but because the beauty is serene.

The chirping of the birds, the gusts of wind, the temperature quickly fluctuating, all makes you feel alive and in-tune to nature. When you start to get to timberline, you begin to see the most magnificent views. This is the area that the trees stop growing because the wind and temperature are too harsh for them, the soil is too rocky or frozen, and the temperature gets too cold. You often see snow around these areas in the summer and have to push through the slushy snow to get to the top.

The city seems far below. You may hear a sound or two from the traffic but it’s rare. It almost feels as if the hustle and bustle of life has stilled, because for the climber- it has. This is probably why the hike becomes so pleasurable. This is why you can feel so in-touch with yourself and in awe of the maker of it all. I often said I felt “closer to God” on a mountain peak than in a church. I felt I was in His church, in the one He created.

There are many analogies from the hike but one would be the sheer perseverance and determination it takes to get to the top. My siblings and I would joke that my father would always say we were far closer to the top than we were. The hike is 7 miles up and 7 miles back down (14 miles both ways). It takes about 10 hours on average.

About an hour into the hike my dad would say, “We’re about halfway there,” (trying to keep our perseverance up). We weren’t even ¼ of the way. The first time I hiked it, I believed him. The second year, I wanted to believe him but had my doubts. Then it became a joke with my siblings that we were “Halfway up the mountain” for most of the hike. When he said, “We’re almost there,” we knew better haha.

I feel like my health journey has been that way. How many times have doctors, physical therapists, nurses, friends, family members, strangers, people who thought they heard from God, all told me I was, “Almost there.” “Almost better,” the suffering would “Be over soon,” “You’re almost healed.” I heard this 1 year after my car accident, then 3 years into it, then 5 years into it.  

I am now 13 years into it. I’ve been diagnosed with 6 conditions, and I hate to say it but I was not, “almost there.” However, I’m glad I kept fighting. I’m glad I kept pushing up this mountain peak.

As I suffered physically, I often heard the “birds chirping” spiritually by the acts of love and kindness given to me by my family, friends, and strangers. I often sensed God’s presence the quieter the world became around me… and it became increasingly quiet because I was trapped in a dark quiet room for 5 years.

Because of the TBI I could not withstand light and noise for more than a few minutes without great consequences. As the world grew quiet, my spirit became louder and I felt more aware of the maker of the heavens and the earth. It was very similar to hiking those peaks.

My friend Ryan told me that he was recently on a group expedition to help a young handicapped girl hike Pikes Peak (the very mountain I used to hike). She uses a wheelchair. There is no way that she can push herself up that trail. It’s not made for wheelchairs. So they lifted her on a gurney and carried her 14 miles. Glee filled her face and spirit as she took in the awe and wonder of it all.

I often feel like I had to be like her as I climbed my “health mountain.” I had to allow others to carry me. At times I was literally carried, other times they helped me walk, crawl, bathe myself etc.

I’ve come so far, yet I continue to feel grateful for the help others supply. I choose not to be humiliated by it but to be thankful. Without them I never could have seen the beauty of this life, this world. Actually, their help, the selfless caregiving of my mother, was part of the beauty I saw in this earth. I still see that every day as she drives me to doctors, PTs, my university, etc.

I’ve come far. I couldn’t read, write, could hardly speak after the TBI. Now I am taking classes online to finish my degree. I am in the middle of writing several books. I just finished my second art show.

I’m glad I didn’t live life only “to get healthy” or I would be very disappointed. God dealt with me to reach out to the world around me. To be there for those who were suffering. To enjoy my loved ones. To embrace life as much as I could. I’m so glad I did. Yes, I was suffering, but I made good memories in the middle of the suffering.

It reminds me of the mountains we hike. Sometimes your muscles shake; you are sweating, tired, and the gusts of cold wind hit you when you reach “treeline” and start hiking through the snow. Yet, we push ourselves. It isn’t pleasant. We want to turn around and go home. But we’re so close to something beautiful- a sight we hiked to see. Beyond that “majestic view” there is one more thing we want…to accomplish the hike itself. We set out to get to the top of the mountain. Do we really want to quit after everything we’ve pushed through? No way!

I remember when I was so sick with Lyme Disease and the TBI was severe. Every ligament in my body ached. The nerve pain was so bad it and sent shooting pains throughout my arms any time I tried to hold a fork or brush my hair. But I still fed myself. I still brushed my hair. I did not have control of my legs so I would roll off of my bed and drag myself across my bedroom, across the hallway- to the bathroom. It took so much effort and grit, because breathing was painful. I said, “It feels like the same amount of effort to go to the bathroom as it used to feel to hike Pikes Peak.” I wasn’t lying.

That’s how much effort it took out of me. It was such an excursion. By the time I got back into bed I would only have about 30 minutes to “rest” before I’d have to go the restroom again and wear myself out all over again lol. I remember asking for a catheter because of how difficult this was for me, but the doctors wouldn’t do it at that time.

Many might ask why we didn’t’ just use a portable toilet. I didn’t want my mother to clean a portable toilet next to my bed (even though she assured me it was no problem). I had been through enough humiliation. She had done so much for me. She was bathing me at that point. I felt that there was so much I couldn’t’ do, so if I was capable of “doing something” like crawling across the hall to the restroom, then I would. Now I see that God put a lot of fight in me. I asked God for His help constantly. Looking back, I see that part of His help was working with my attitude. And I’m so grateful for it.

Wherever you are I hope that you keep fighting. Here are some of the things that I’ve learned that helped me. I always ask God for help, all day and all night. He understands. Good things do come but they often take much longer than we expect… so while you’re fighting for them try to make good memories where you are at. Reach out to others around you. Who understands pain more than those of us who hurt? Rejoice with your loved ones. Receive love. Receive help when it’s offered and don’t fight it. It hurts those who are trying to help you when you fight it or try to do everything on your own.

“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26