He has Led Me through the Fire

With every breath that I am able, I will tell of the goodness of God. A lot of people don’t understand how I can say this. I was trapped, in a dark, quiet room for 5 years due to my brain injury. I have been battling symptoms like severe pain, neuropathy, migraines, nausea, weakness, and fatigue for 8 years. Every day it hurts to take in a deep breath because the Lyme disease often hurts my lungs.

I can’t see clearly, the doctors say my vision is permanently damaged due to the brain injury. That makes it so it constantly looks like the walls and ground around me are moving. It’s as if I’m forever on an amusement park ride. It might be fun for 5 minutes but it is not fun 24/7 for 8 years. Sometimes I just want to scream “Stop!” to the movement. But even if I scream, that doesn’t make it go away.

I think we all want to scream “stop” at something going on in our lives whether it be strained relationships, financial distress, illness, grief etc. But no matter how many times we scream it doesn’t stop. That brings us to crying out “help” to God Almighty. If the trial won’t “stop” then can the Creator of the Universe please just “help” us through? Yes. It might not be the way we imagine help. The pain doesn’t just cease. The trials aren’t just fixed. But our heart can become a new creation when we’re walking through the fire hand-in-hand with the Creator.

The lyrics from the song “The Goodness of God” pierce my heart with truth.

“I love your voice,

you have led me through the fire.

In darkest nights,

you are close like no other.

I’ve known you as a father.

I’ve known you as a friend.

And I have lived in the goodness of God.”

It’s crazy that I saw a peek of God’s goodness in the middle of the terror. It was in the middle of the pain. It was in the middle of the brokenness. Maybe that’s why Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”(Matthew 5:4) I mourned and He was there.

He understands. God understands. And His heart is filled with compassion for you. In the brokenness sometimes our hearts touch Heaven, and we see the comfort of God.  I look back at the nights I was up in such severe pain I had to throw up, I couldn’t move, or talk. I look back and somehow see how God’s presence was with me. He was there. And I did survive.

 I would have been okay if He had just taken me out of the pain and up to Heaven, but He didn’t. He kept me on Earth. He gave me the drive to keep pushing, keep fighting, no matter how hard, to keep going. Now I find myself asking Him to give me that same drive to keep going after the year we’ve had in 2020. And He will.

Often our brokenness in the tragedy brings a lot of things to the surface- pride, arrogance, bitterness, fear, lack of trusting God fully. As these things surface I realize all the more my need for a Savior. I realize my ugliness and am amazed that  He looks at me in my ugliness and loves me. He looks at us and loves us deeply. That same deep love is what took Him to leaving Heaven, being born as a baby, living 33 years on Earth, being persecuted and hated, and then being nailed to a cross for our sins. No matter how ugly we are inside, we can live eternity with Him in Heaven by simply accepting His sacrifice on the cross and following Him. It was in our ugliness that He loved us so deeply He died on the cross so we could live forever with Him in Heaven.

No matter how ugly this earth gets, there is a beautiful forever promised to us after we leave this earth. A place where there will be no suffering or grief. A place where peace will reign and love will flourish. If you love the beauty of the mountains, oceans, sunsets and flowers blooming here on Earth, just imagine how beautiful Heaven will be.

But until then, God has us here on this Earth. And He will hold us by hand through the fire. There are times I needed Him to carry me through the fire because I could not take a step forward, so I took all my strength, placed my arms around His neck, and held on tight while He carried me through. If you can’t walk, you can’t move, you don’t have the energy to get through another grievous day, then put your energy into hanging onto Him. He will carry us through.

I love you my friends. I know 2020 has been a whirlwind for all of us. I know that beyond this crazy year you have personal trials you’re walking through, loneliness, grief, death, bankruptcy, illness etc. I’m praying for everyone who reads this. I pray God covers you in the shelter of His wings. I pray if you can’t see it now one day you will look back and see He was with you.

Psalm 91:4

“He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”