Why?

Why why why?!   

Why is it that when things start to come together something else in your life falls apart??!! You work so hard to make progress and then the rug is ripped out under your feet!! You’re flat on your back looking up and saying “why me, why this, why now??!”

Today I went to see a new doctor regarding my Chronic Lyme Disease. Seeing doctors often, is a part of my life as a chronically ill person. Today my mom(who is my full-time caretaker and nurse) and I were going over what I needed to talk to the doctor about. This conversation led to some difficult reminders.

– I can transfer Lyme Disease to a spouse, so that rules out getting married. – If I could get married I have a bigger chance of transferring Lyme Disease to my children. Which for me, rules that out. – My symptoms are so numerous I can’t work or have a career that I hoped for. – I can’t finish college. – I can’t live on my own. I’m too disabled and need someone to drive me, manage my doctor appointments, cook for me, wait on me, manage and distribute my medication and so much more.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a crowd with a target on my back. People around me seem to be doing well. They’re following their dreams and living their lives without anything major going wrong. Sometimes the thought hits me, “Jesus I love you, I always have. So why do more things go wrong in my life than other people’s?? Why do some Christians who believe in you, but don’t follow you have everything going good in their lives??” But then God helps me realize that every time something goes wrong in my life I’m back to relying on the Lord, which is a good thing.

Trials bring me closer to His heart. I reflect more on life through them. Then the Lord can work on my heart in ways that He can’t when I’m busy and things are going well. My difficulties seem to be my mercy. (You can find an article I wrote: “Could My Suffering Be My Mercy?”, https://radicalroad.wordpress.com/2016/05/24/could-my-suffering-be-my-mercy/). They are my mercy because they keep me focused on the most important thing in my life, my relationship with Jesus. It’s not because I’m “Oh so spiritual” but rather because I so desperately need Him!!!

Maybe He sometimes allows bad things to happen to us in order to bring our hearts closer to Him. In order to open our eyes to the things that really are important. Maybe it’s not that we have a target on our back, but a heart that wants the Lord and His ways. … Even if it means going through trials to get there.

Things going wrong in your life doesn’t mean it’s your fault. It doesn’t mean God’s angry at you. It doesn’t mean He’s abandoned you. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. Those statements are lies from the enemy. He speaks these things to us knowing it’ll add to our torment.

We have to combat those thoughts with truth.

1. Is it my fault?? No. Having troubles in your life is something Jesus told is would happen. He said ” In this world you will have troubles.”(John 16:33) He didn’t say it was our fault. It was more a statement of living on earth means you’ll have hardship. In Heaven we won’t. But here we will.

2. Is God angry at me?? Even if we disappointed God in some of the decisions we make He doesn’t harbor bitterness or unforgiveness at us. He’s the essence of forgiveness and second chances. When we were at our worst, all of our sins piled up, that’s when He chose to die for us so that He could spend eternity with us. He saw us at our worst and still wanted to be with us. (Romans 5:8)

3. Has God abandoned me?? God never turns His back on us. Even if He’s silent He still there with us, Jesus even told us that. He said, “I am with you ALWAYS even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

4. God doesn’t care. This is never true. He cares more than we can imagine. He loves us beyond our comprehension ” perfect love is this, that He lay His life down for His friends.” He laid His life down for you. And that love He has will never fade. Even when you make mistakes, fail, run from Him, ignore Him etc. “No life or death or anything else in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38)

Friends we are on this journey in life together. We may not have met, but there is a love from God that bonds us. I pray as you read this you’re encouraged and realize it’s not all your fault. Even when we feel alone, God is with us.

I’ve just started to post YouTube videos sharing what’s on my heart. You can find them here or search my YouTube username: Radical Road.

If you’d like to follow my personal journey more closely you can find more information at: https://www.facebook.com/RadicalRoad/